Ok. Made it through day one. It felt really great to wake up and not feel slungover! However, I woke up looking like a complete mess. I had dreams of being drunk and woke up with frizzy hair from sweat. What a night.
As I was running on the treadmill this evening, I looked outside at how beautiful the sky and the trees look. Gorgeous. Then, I thought about how lovely a tall, very tall, glass of Chardonnay would taste while sitting out on the deck. And I know just how fast a bottle would go down quickly. Too quickly and then I would want more! Crap!! Needless to say, I drank a cup of hot coffee and took a bath. I sure hope this wanting and craving will eventually end, but I know it won’t…it never does. I just need to learn how to deal with my life without alcohol. This is just the beginning I know, I just wish I was not like this dammit!
Had a very bad day on Mother’s Day. From the beginning, it was bad. Let me start at the beginning.
Starting with Thursday…my husband brought home a case of wine. Not a good thing for someone who is trying to stay sober. So, I had wine Thursday night. Not just a glass, but several glasses. He took the kids to soccer and while he was gone, I opened two bottles of wine. One for the first two glasses, and the second for when he got home so that he would not know that I had already been drinking. Needless to say that I was hungover on Friday. So, to get over that, I snuck a water bottle to the basement and filled it with wine to take to work. Really?
Friday, got home from work and had two glasses of wine. Took a one hour nap and woke up when husband got home from work. Proceeded to have several more glasses of wine Friday night.
Saturday, felt pretty good. Saturday night I had several glasses of wine. Woke up sometime during the night, got up and proceeded to have two more glasses of wine. Husband woke up and told me to come to bed; it was 3:30am. I woke up on Sunday and felt drunk still. So I had two bottles of beer and a glass of wine. No food. Drunk by noon!! On Mother’s Day. How ridiculous is that? Drove to soccer games, but first stopped at the store and bought a travel pack of wine. Drunk! At my children’s soccer games. I cannot begin to understand why I did what I did. I guess because I am an alcoholic.
My husband says that we can drink as long as we control how much and when. Really? There is no controlling on my part. I have to stop and today begins my redo of no more drinkin!
Stick with me and lets stay sober for good!
First day was great; got through it with flying colors. I woke up this morning feeling a little groggy, my clothes were soaking wet, and my hair was a complete frizz! However, I did not have a headache, was not sick to my stomach, was not contemplating to call in “sick”, etc., etc. I don’t know if I was just ready to stop drinking after all of these years or what, but I feel pretty good. I know I will have my ups and downs, but I want to make this work. I want to be free of alcohol and what is done to me over the years. I want my children to not smell wine on my breathe every single night. I want to dream at night and remember the dreams even if they are horrific. I want to read my book at night and actually remember it in the morning. Goodness, I have not been living the life I have wanted for so long.
This is the worst part of having an issue with alcohol; you might not want to drink everyday, but you need to drink everyday. I know I could not wait to open up a bottle of wine and pour myself a huge glass of Cabernet. My glasses are/were not the moderate 4 ounces; they are/were more like 12 ounces. Yes, my glass almost resembles a candle holder glass that sits as a centerpiece in the middle of a coffee table. That is how big my glass of wine is/was. And yes I have knocked it over several times in a drunken stupor.
Last night I opted for four sugar-less Popsicles and a bottle of Diet Coke to help with having something to hold and drink. It helped, but I sure missed my wine. I wonder what I will have tonight?
Anyway, made it through my first day and will give you an update of my second day tomorrow.
May 7th, 2013: Today is my first day of getting sober. I had several glasses of wine last night, and ironically, feel good today. I feel good because I know what is ahead of me.
- Going to bed sober
- Reading a great book before going to sleep and actually remembering what the story was about.
- Waking up early before the sun rises
- Grabbing that first cup of coffee
- Not being so hungover that I have to sneak wine to work (I know right?!)
- No more hiding empty bottles
- No more sneaking around and drinking during the day
- No more “sleeping it off” during the day when it is gorgeous outside
- No more drinking when I get home from work
- Being able to run and workout
The list goes on and on. Wish me luck. Follow me on my journey. Stories about my drunk days and the progression of my problem with alcohol to follow.